In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
My name is Zouhayra, I am 20 years old and I am proud to say I am a Muslimah. I converted (or some people prefer the word reverted) to Islam in February of 2013 after struggling with my mood and my feelings because I missed something in life. Now it’s obvious to me that I missed the presence of Allah (swt).
With what religion were you raised?
I was raised in a Christian family but my family was never very religious. They celebrated the Christian holidays, thanked God for the food we have on the table and maybe visit the church once or twice a year.
How did you know about Islam?
The first time I came in contact with a Muslim was probably in primary school. I never really thought about it back then. Later on there were some other incidents where I came into contact with Muslims, like when I lived with a Pakistani host family for a couple of days.
The Pakistani family I can still remember clearly. I was staying in their house with a couple other girls, and before we entered their house we had to take of our shoes and we were instructed clearly by the mother to not shake the fathers’ and sons’ hand and not look them into their eyes. Back then I was shocked, it was all so weird for me because I never heard of something like that before.
Later, I learned about Islam in school. We had to learn the basics, like about the five pillars of Islam and we compared some Qur’anic texts with Bible texts and my teacher was constantly telling us about how much the Qur’an was a lie because it contradicted the Bible.
After learning about Islam in school and the media I met a couple of Muslim people that became my friends. They were not practicing Muslims, but Muslims nonetheless.
Why did you end up looking for a different religion?
I have always been interested in different cultures and religions so naturally I was just reading about different religions in my free time because I enjoyed doing so. At the time I started searching instead of just reading I had all sorts of personal difficulties. I’ve seen so many psychiatrists and have had more doctor visits than I can count.
I was reading a lot about Buddhism and I liked their way of thinking a lot, because it was all so peaceful and the idea sounded really good. Unfortunately for me it wasn’t possible to live like that because my mind sort of rejected me being peaceful. In hindsight, it was all just a sign from Allah (swt) because I wasn’t there yet, I had not yet found the right path.
After a while I just continued my search and ended up with Islam.
Why did you convert to Islam?
Since 2008 I was struggling with my mood and eventually my doctor told me I was suffering from a depression as well as having some other problems. I tried all kinds of medicines and therapies and nothing seemed to work. Eventually someone told me I should start reading the Bible, because that could maybe comfort me and help me feel better again. I read the Bible and I am sorry to say that it just made me feel worse. The tone in which it was written annoyed me and I was thinking that it shouldn’t be this way. I also had a lot of questions about Christianity and somehow the answers seemed insufficient in my eyes. So instead of reading the Bible, I got myself a translation of the Qur’an and started reading that instead. I wasn’t reading it with the thought in mind of becoming a Muslim. I was just reading it because I was desperate to feel better than I felt at that moment. In my mind I was thinking, after this I am going to read the Pali Canon (the holy book of the Buddhists).
Within the first hour of reading Qur’an I felt a feeling I never felt before. It was peacefulness, tranquility, joy and inspiration all at the same time. Right at that moment, I knew I had to do something with this. After years of feeling miserable or not feeling anything at all suddenly I felt so many good things. And even more important for me: I was feeling it in my heart instead of in my mind.
How did you convert?
After my first experience of reading the Qur’an, I did some more research about the things I heard of Islam in the media. I asked some friends about Islam, but the majority of my knowledge I actually found on the internet. I waited a while after doing this research just to make sure that I made the right choice. Just to see if that feeling would not go away. I was scared that I made it all up, that I just needed a bit of hope to continue my life so my mind made something up for me. I waited and I waited, and it didn’t disappear. Every time I picked up the Qur’an and started reading, I felt good.
So I talked to some of my Muslim friends that I wanted to convert. They asked me to come to their house so I could say the shahadah. I said my shahadah in front of my friends and I cried. It was such a beautiful moment, after all this time I found the one thing that could always cheer me up, that could help me become a better person. All along it was so close, but I never looked for it, I never opened my eyes, so it took me a while to find it. But alhamdullilah, all thanks and praise to God, I eventually found Islam and it changed my life. For the better.
I have so much more to tell about my conversion and the first few weeks after I converted but seeing as I wrote so much already I will share that with you another time. Next time I will answer questions like: how my surroundings reacted, was it the right choice, is it difficult to follow all the rules and did it change you as a person.
May peace, mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you.
No comments:
Post a Comment